Attachment Parenting: A Natural Choice

Parents have an infinite number of decisions to make and parenting styles to select from. Attachment Parenting (AP), for example, is one style gaining acceptance in western culture. The man credited for coining this term, Dr. Williams Sears, points out he did not formulate the concept of AP, merely just its name. Sears (1992) states, "AP has been around as long as there have been mothers and babies. It is in fact, only recently that this style of parenting has needed a name at all, for it is basically the common sense parenting we all would do if left to our own healthy resources."

So what is AP? There are six basic concepts to follow (Granju, 2001):

- Bond with your baby immediately after birth through relaxed, close physical contact.
- Extended breastfeeding.
- Practice responsive care giving for your child.
- The practice of carrying, holding, or "wearing" your baby.
- Co-sleeping or sharing a bed with your child.
- Respecting your child as an individual and never expecting them to follow any set timetable for development or progression.

This style of parenting strengthens the parent/child bond and furthers intimacy. As a result, children who are raised in attachment parenting-style homes are more likely to be independent, secure and happy. The style also promotes children's physical and emotional health.

Evidence for AP comes from doctors and medical experts, scientific research and observation across cultures, and parents first hand experience.

The moments after a child is born are critical for mother-child bonding. Obstetrician Michel Odent (2002) explains the biological reasons behind this phenomenon. During and after labor, both mother and baby release high levels of the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is considered the "hormone of love." Oxytocin is also associated with another hormone called prolactin, "the mothering hormone." Oxytocin plus prolactin creates an intense bond between mother and baby. Because of the almost morphine-like state - as long as other drugs do not suppress the hormones - once mother and baby make physical contact for the first time, an immediate intimacy is formed. AP supporters say there is a small window of time in which this bonding can take place, after which time establishing that immediate attachment is much harder.

As with childbirth, prolactin and oxytocin are also released during breastfeeding. This makes breastfeeding not only about nourishment but another chance to bond. Because of this, AP also believes in extended breastfeeding, which usually means breastfeeding beyond 12 months. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years (Sears, 1992). Even with these recommendations, AP believers say there should be no timetable or deadline for mothers to meet. They generally advise the weaning method of, "don't offer, don't refuse." By doing this, a child, in most cases, will gradually and naturally wean themselves.

Extended breastfeeding is also advised for health and developmental benefits. Human milk contains natural immunities that fight diseases. It also contains nutrients that promote brain development. In fact, researchers in England concluded that babies who drank breast milk scored an average of 8.3 points higher on IQ tests at age eight than babies who drank only formula. Nearly a dozen other research teams found the same results, some even tracking children for 18 years (Sears, 1992).

The third aspect of AP is being responsive to children's cues. Conventional methods of parenting tell us to let the child "cry it out" because responding to the child would be rewarding "bad" behavior. Dr. Sears (1992) reminds us, "Newborns don't misbehave, they just communicate the only way nature allows them to." So ignoring a child's cries doesn't teach them to be a good, well-behaved baby, it teaches them that their only means of communication is not effective and therefore they feel helpless. They can't trust their parents to meet their needs. When a baby stops crying, it is not because they learned a lesson, it is because they got discouraged and gave up.

Many cultures actually "wear" their babies in slings across their shoulders or on their backs. This allows busy parents more freedom, while still giving the baby the physical closeness and comfort they desperately need and crave. Baby wearing does not exclude fathers. Having the father wear the baby allows bonding time for father and baby, and provides a much-needed break for the mother. Studies have shown that babies that are carried by their parents for most of the day are more content and cry less often than other babies and toddlers (Granju, 2001). Baby wearing also fosters learning and talking. Because babies see things from the mother's point of view - instead of flat on their backs in a pram or crib - they learn and interact more with the world around them.

Another important aspect of AP is co-sleeping. While this is the preferred pattern of sleeping in most countries, it is taboo in western society (Spock, 2001). AP argues that co-sleeping is healthy and beneficial to the whole family. It bonds mother, father, and baby. Those who practice AP say co-sleeping is better because parents don't have to go to the other room to feed or comfort a crying baby, which is about two to three times a night during a child's first year. There is also a biological reason to co-sleep. Babies continue to develop the regulating hormone adrenal in their nervous system for nine months after birth. The mother's presence exerts a regulatory influence over the child's nervous system, promoting better sleep (Sears, 1992).

Author Jean Liedloff studied the Yequana Indians, a primitive tribe who lives in the jungles of Venezulean, and concluded their style of child rearing could be classified as AP. The Yeguana are a peaceful tribe who do not war and rarely show signs of violence. In her book, The Continuum Concept, Liedloff (1975) states, "One of the most striking differences between the Yequana and any other children I have seen is the former neither fight nor argue among themselves." She also recalls seeing a child throw one temper tantrum during her many visits.

A. Halquist (psychology MA, SEP, March 13, 2005) supports the beliefs of AP. Halquist, along with her husband Chip, have decided to raise their son Albin (who is now 20 months old) according to these concepts. When asked why she felt this was the best way to parent Halquist states, "Instinctively, it's the only way that felt right. I treat him with respect and gentleness and he gives that back to everyone in return." Responding to the criticism that AP spoils children by putting them in control Halquist states, "Children don't see things like that. Until they are about 18 months old they don't even realize they are a separate entity than you. They only know 'I'm getting my needs met' or 'I'm not getting my needs met'." Halquist also adds that simply responding to a child's emotional needs could never be considered spoiling. When asked if Albin ever throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way she answers, "Albin wants to do the right thing. When I don't allow him to do something he doesn't push it just to get his way and be defiant. His needs have always been met so he doesn't need to push just to get his own way." She continues to say, "AP is difficult in the beginning. It requires a lot of time and energy. But, once you get past the first several months, the baby you have as a result, will definitely be worth the time and energy."

AP supporters believe if children learn how to form deep, meaningful attachments when they are young, they will be able to do so later in life. Halquist agrees with this. She states, "If people are growing up able to form solid attachments to others, it will be harder to engage in any violence or harm against them. We may also see a decline in rates of divorce and depression. Overall, those who feel a connection with others living in this world will be much happier and healthier."

Many doctors and medical experts claim AP parenting spoils children and make them harder to discipline later in life. They argue it puts the child in control and does not show the child who is boss. Burton L. White (1985), the director of the Center for Parent Education in Newton, Mass., says, "I believe that part of the problem is that parents have already adopted a style of responding to their babies demands that has led to the unhappy social behavior."

However, a direct observational study conducted by Mary D. Ainsworth and Sylvia Bell at John Hopkins University thwarts this misconception. Ainsworth and Bell set out to find if responding to your baby's cries encourages or discourages crying behavior. After over a year of observation, the researchers found that the mothers who consistently and promptly responded to their infant's cries had toddlers who cried much less and for shorter durations (Weisbluff, 2003). Letting the child know their cries will never be in vain and that they can trust their parents, makes for a child who cries less.

Another common criticism of AP is co-sleeping. Richard Ferber M.D. (1985) writes, "Sleeping alone is an important part of learning to be able to separate from you without anxiety and to see himself as an independent individual. Sears (1992) rebuffs this argument as well. "Why hurry a baby into independence? A child's needs that are not filled leave an empty space that can come back later as anxieties." Sears goes on to say if you simply create a secure nighttime environment, when it does come time for your child to leave the bed it will come easily and naturally.

This can also be seen in a cross-cultural study on co-sleeping conducted in Norway. The study found that the indigenous Sami tribe practiced co-sleeping as well as self-regulation of food, which allows children to determine how much they eat. Other Norwegian families did not practice either of these concepts. The study concluded that Sami children were more socially independent than their Norwegian peers, showing that co-sleeping does not foster long-term dependence on the mother and father.

As argued throughout, babies are born with a biological need for closeness and physical contact. Being responsive to these instinctive needs helps children become secure, happy and independent. Those who advocate for AP believe that raising children this way will not only lead to more secure, happier, and independent adults, it may also help solve the larger societal problems that plague our culture today.

 

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Joy Shanley is a model, nanny, and college student in Colorado. She was raised by parents who believe in attachment parenting.

For more information on AP, please visit the following web sites:

AttachmentParenting.org

KellyMom.com

Attachment Parenting at Motherstuff

For more information on babywearing and to learn about the difference between a baby wrap, a baby sling and other baby carriers please visit Sleepy Wrap.

 

References

1.) Ferber, R. (1985). Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. New York: Simon & Schuster.

2.) Granju, K.A., & Kennedy, B. (1999). Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child. New York: Pocket Books.

3.) Javo, C., Heyerdahl, S., & Ronning, J.A. (2004). Childrearing in an indigenous Sami population in Norway: A cross-cultural comparison of parental attitudes and expectations. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, 45, 67- 78.

4.) Liedloff, J. (1975). The Continuum Concept. New York: Warner Books.

5.) Odent, M. (1992). The Nature of Birth and Breastfeeding. Westport, CT: Bergin & Garvey.

6.) Sears, M., & Sears, W. (1992). The Baby Book. Boston, Mass: Little, Brown and Company.

7.) Spock, B. (2001). The First Two Years. New York: Pocket Books.

8.) Weisbluth, M. (2003). Your Fussy Baby. New York: Ballentine Books.

9.) White, B.L. (1985). The New First Three Years of Life (2nd. Ed.) New York: Fireside.